Cut to the Quick

My heart tightens up whenever I hear these songs:

1| Sister Winter, Sufjan Stevens

2| Stay or Leave, Dave Matthews

3| Kingdom Come, Coldplay

4| I Have Loved You Wrong, the Swell Season

5| Say It to Me Now, Glen Hansard

6| Strange Fruit, Billie Holiday

7| The Wolves (Act 1 & 2), Bon Iver

8| A Rush of Blood to the Head, Coldplay

9| Older Chests, Damien Rice

10| Cath, Death Cab for Cutie

11| The Stone, Dave Matthews Band

12| Let It Die, Feist

13| Satisfied Mind, Jeff Buckley

14| Timshel, Mumford & Sons

15| Rain, Patty Griffin

16| The Dress Looks Nice on You, Sufjan Stevens

People Do Good

{Today I thought of 3 of the best things other people have done for me. I'll think of 3 more tomorrow, and 3 more the next day, and 3 more all the days ever.}

1.My 21st summer, my friend's friend made me a mixed CD of Patty Griffin songs. She didn't make it for me because she wanted to introduce me to some good music. She said, "Oh, that's rough. She needs Patty Griffin." She knew I had a broken heart. Patty Griffin's music, and that particular mixed collection, has been one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.

2. A kind old principal gave me a job I wasn't certified for. He felt I was qualified. I'm forever grateful to him for placing me in my element.

3. Some people affect you in a way that changes your life, or the way you live your life. One of my dearest friends challenged me to love people with my heart, to see and hope for the best in people, and to love people not because I want to be loved, but because I can love.

esp. to lack; to desire

Some things in life we are wanting are not worth the having.

Show Go Show

Tomorrow night we're playing at the Q Cafe just south of Ballard. I'm so thrilled that I get to hang out with so many wonderful people AND play music for them. We have so much to look forward to!

Crew

Graydon and I printed some band t-shirts with my hometown friends Jon & Traci this weekend. Jon is a master printer and has built some pretty cool mechanisms to speed up the printing process. He's like a screen print scientist.

The t-shirts are looking pretty nice, designed by Graydon himself. We went with some earth tones to start with: grey, black, mossy green, and a muted blue. All the tees are crew necks except for one special v-neck. This is a matter of dispute between some band members: to v-neck or not to v-neck? Please cast your vote, too!

Miss Jones

One week from today, I'll be setting aside my whip and fedora for my tie and glasses.

School's almost in session, kids. It's bittersweet, isn't it?

I don't want to grow up.

Only 4

Our last night in the studio: Cam and Graydon working hard at laying down some mandolin for 'Coming Back', Michael talking to his wifey in the corner, and I stretched across the couch, checking my Facebook and Twitter every few minutes.

Since typically only one of us works at recording something with Cam at a time, there's been lots of down time (especially for me) during this whole process--lots of naps, lots of food/coffee/music runs, lots of lounging and listening. But I've loved being a part of it. Some instruments I've recorded on so far: piano, organ, pump organ, glockenspiel. The best part is making music and watching Cam take something we've created and make it bigger and better and stronger.

I'm pretty sure this has been my favorite experience of my life. Some things will never change after this; it's established: music forever.

12+

My band, Lower Lights Burning is in the studio right now recording our new EP. This is day 3 of 12+ hour days in this sauna of a blessed studio. We are having so much fun... I can't believe I ever did anything else in life other than this.

Gutted

This morning I dreamt that I slept in the the hollowed-out crest of a hill, close to the stars stuck to blue felt. At one point, I stood up to replace a star who'd lost his way.

When I turned back to my rest, a great, yellow and green-eyed tiger was rolling about, scratching up and stretching my blankets. Several other smaller cats, lynxes, leopards, and lemurs, crawled about, sniffing the area. Their whiskers quivered, and they watched me, waiting for my response.

I walked backwards to my house, turned and ran at the last few steps. I burst into my parents' bedroom, and found Father away from his bed. I could see his legs under the half door of the bathroom.

"Father," I yelled, "there's a great tiger about to come kill us!"

"All right, all right," he moaned. "I'll be there in a moment."

I could hear the tiger in the kitchen, pulling out drawers, banging cupboards closed, looking for a knife.

"Mother," I cried, "stand behind me. This is the end!"

Father emerged from the bathroom, and he stepped out of himself, so that one of his person stood over by the window, gun in hand, looking bored. His other, grey self came and wrapped his arms around Mother and me.

We could hear the tiger clawing at the door, rattling the knob. The foundations of the house shook and the door combusted in quiet smoke.

The tiger stood there, looking like a disfigured man who filled the space of the door. His head looked bloated, his features had come loose and wandered about his face. But his yellow-green eyes pulsed and bulged from their sockets. He took a fish fillet knife in his fist and began to carve out his left eye.

And I awoke.

What happened?

I think I've lost track of everything I set out to do,

because everything I wanted

(but never looked for)

came and found me,

came and found me and came

to overtake me.

If this is the one thing

(my everything)

I set my mind to,

let it be for you

for you

for you.

And that's how I'm doing. I don't really know what's going on in my life right now, because it's all "petals on a wet, black bough," as Ezra Pound would have it. It's a great, hurried, beautiful blur, yet I somehow find the energy to focus in on the important details.

This is definitely not where I saw myself ten years ago. It's beautifully better and more real than those young dreams. Being a teacher and a musician is a bit like being Indiana Jones--minus the whip, though most days I wish I could use one in class. At 3:30, I take off my glasses and turn on the amp.

Sometimes I feel the strain of the stretch--like Bilbo said, "butter scraped over too much bread." Throwing myself into two creative avenues is more than consuming, it's exhausting. But I don't care. I'm feeling reckless, and I think it's okay. I think I'm blessed to be able to do everything I love, when I wasn't even looking for either. So, I'll keep on doing it as long as the Lord lets me. If I fail, I'll fail well. Otherwise, I fly.

Many Waters

rolling hills--I think He touched the water

in the middle of a storm

and turned it to dirt

if he's disposed to turn

water into wine,

then of course

water into earth

the waves stood still

and grew grass around the edges

which brown in summer

we carve roads through

the still brown swells

and it's strange driving through

miles of petrified sea

the Shows

The last half of 2009 gave me an incredible six months full of music. In a rough chronological order, I saw and heard the following bands last year:

Jonny Lang at Tulalip Casino (Second time seeing him live, even more amazing--this white man has soul)

Lantern Productions & Lower Lights Burning at the Loft--Le Wrens, Paper Astronomer, The Flight of Phanuel, Shane Simonsen, Justin Klump, etc. (Olympians: you MUST visit the Loft--amazing music going on here once a month!)

JBM and Sondre Lerche at the Triple Door (Both played solo--no band accompaniment--and played AMAZING shows, 'specially Sondre. I would be best friends with him if I could.)

David Crowder Band & Seabird at Christian Faith Center (DCB & Seabird played a great show, but I'm a little embittered because David Crowder would not record a message into my iPhone for my students. Boo, David, boo.)

Katie Herzig & Brandi Carlile at the Paramount (Really liked Katie, and Brandi has got some pipes. And some really cool guitars. Jealous.)

the Future of Forestry at Shoreline Community Church (My second favorite concert of the year. Smallest venue, greatest musicianship. Check them out NOW.)

The Swell Season at the Paramount (Favorite, favorite, favorite. I've seen U2 and I've seen Coldplay, but Glen Hansard shot them both out of the water. I felt full after this concert... like I'd just eaten the best meal of my life. And it was the best meal of my life.)

Amy Seeley at Aladdin Theatre (Amy is an amazing performer--she comes to life when she plays; she's part of the songs.)

Noah Gundersen & the Courage and Karli Fairbanks at Triple Door (Support the locals! I liked a lot of the melodies at this show, but I especially liked Abby Gundersen's harmonies and crazy violin skills. She stole the show--not really, because it rightfully belonged to her.)

Music takes us to an untarnished place. It takes us somewhere where rust has no color and moths have no teeth. Music inspires us to believe we can be better than we've been at our best, and reminds us we can even be worse than we've been at our worst. Music tells the story of the human race and our pursuit of God. Even if music thinks it's not about God, it's always about God.

He who has ears, let him hear. Don't waste any opportunity to experience good music. Here's to 2010, and not a ticket or a hand stamp wasted.