I like doing talent shows. I even won a talent show my senior year of college. I probably shouldn't have won that show, because I was up against some amazing musicians, but I still won. That sense of competition... especially taking home the prize of knowing that some people judged me the most talented... was so thrilling. I imagine that's what hunting is like. I was the kill.
Last night, however, I was not the kill. I confess, as I stood there smiling at the end, I was confidently ready to hear my name announced and had one foot out, ready to walk to center stage and cradle my plaque. What vanity, eh? The announcer even gave a lengthy call of the first syllable of my name: "And the winner is... uuuuUUHHHAAAAA--O!" I felt a little cheated.
Even though I didn't expect the outcome, in retrospect, I realize my confidence in winning was not purely vain or arrogant. Last night I found some depth in the trite old consolation "Everyone's a winner." Yesterday, I watched some talented people, who showed obvious discipline and hard work, give outstanding performances. I experienced a very diverse group warm to each other, support and encourage each other. And I made some amazing new friends, like Anthony and Billie Jean and Amy. The whole experience was a blessing, and made me feel like a winner, even though I didn't walk away with a fancy plaque and some cash.
What I gained from this show was not further proof that I am talented. I even second-guessed my involvement in it in the days leading up to it, not wanting to make a big deal of it in case the whole thing turned out silly. I had to remind myself that I wanted to do this show because I love to perform and because I love this community and I want to be a part of it, not just a resident in it. What could have been just a cheesy local variety show turned into a rite of passage for me. Now I feel native of Olympia.
