What's Wrong With Her Dress?

I had tape on my dress.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I put tape on my dress in order to raise the hem three inches so I wouldn't trip on it. You're smart people--you can sense the irony already, can't you?

God gave me a gift tonight. Last night I prayed for humility; I even prayed that He would not take me literally. The answer to the first prayer was Yes. No, to the second prayer.

We are walking up the aisle to the stage, the tape comes off my dress and sticks to the bottom of my shoe, making loud crackling noises as I walk. I try to lift my skirt to get it out of the way, more tape sticks to my shoes. Finally up on the stage, opening my folder for the first song, I know hell is coming when I will have to walk down the steps and off the stage. I also know this is going to be a funny story.

As we finish our final song and smile at the applause, I try again to lift my skirt, get it out of the way. More tape. More. Tape. The front of my dress is sticking to the front of my shoes. I am walking like a penguin. I trip... I am falling. GOD IS GOOD! I catch myself and avoid the face-plant. Still, the tape. I waddle down the aisle, head down, make a swift right-turn into the overflow room, sit down, begin fanning myself to dry my watery eyes.

I am embarrassed.